foreword
as i’m a college student, i’ve naturally fallen victim to the vast world of commercial energy drinks. while my mom always loves to give me flack for drinking energy drinks that are probably admittedly not great for my health, there are definitely worse vices out there that makes mine look pretty tame. i tend to quit drinking energy drinks over the summer, meaning that i haven’t had any of these in a while. that being said, i am an energy drink demon during the school year, and i can confidently say that my three years so far in college would not be the same without these beautiful sources of caffeine.
the reason i started drinking them in the first place is because i’ve never been one to handle coffee well, and it always loves to destroy my guts which is quite distracting from my student duty to study (say that five times fast). what’s more is that, similar to the world of coffee, energy drink brands come up with really creative flavors that manage to relegate the caffeine aspect of the phrase ‘caffeinated beverage’ to be of secondary importance. that’s right, i PROUDLY drink these things for the TASTE, and the subsequent habit formation that ensues is never something that my wallet looks forward to. i buy these drinks by the CASE, and any unsuspecting fridge dorm that has me as a tenant will have a lovely time cooling these energy drinks for the pleasure of my palate.
you ever met one of those annoying wine sommeliers who swear that they aren’t wasting money for fancy packaging? unlike those fools, i am VERY confident that i can do a blind energy drink taste test and manage to identify a lot of these flavors. i’m not too sure what i got from roasting wine tasters, but it definitely made me feel better about myself. can you tell that i’m in need of a caffeine-based energy drink stimulant from my incohesive rambling? without further-ado, my energy drink rankings:
not extensive list of criteria used to rank
- taste (most important)
- awakeness i feel after drinking
- amount of sugar (i prefer zero sugar drinks)
- price-to-benefit
- can design
Last modified on 2026-08-07