once again this is purely a creative writing exercise do not take this seriously ok thank you

i promise there’s a reason i have to put that disclaimer. besides it being a consequence of my fear that someone will find my digital writings, it’s also a matter of ensuring that whatever is googled in my name maintains a strict sense of professionalism (i need a job!). then again, when you google my name, you will either inevitably run into articles about the antichrist OR if you are smart enough to google me with quotes you will find some musician from san juan, pr who is in a band called something along the lines of “the sons of satan.” and i don’t know about y’all, but me, a chick, would be damned if she ever entered a band called the SONS of satan.

but anyway, i’ve had an interesting last 2 weeks in the berkshires, and as always one can assume that i am truly up to (no) good. not in the sense that i’m being malicious because those days of me being an evil middle schooler are long past me (or so i think), but rather that i am trying to keep myself as entertained as possible in one of the loneliest parts of the country by engaging in a tiny bit of thrill-seeking. as you might have read in the title, i decided to engage in a little bit of a dating life that has produced quite unserious results so far. i say this in the sense that my therapist and i (dear lord bless him for all the trauma dumping he’s had to sit through) have agreed that i sort of need to take a chill pill when it comes to finding the love of my life, and that it would serve me well if i recognized that i’m once again at a crossroads in my life and that everyone i meet isn’t meant to be forever. i think that’s what’s so beautiful about the human experience, in that we will meet people who are there for us at the time we need them just as quickly as they will vanish from our lives. i used to be deeply afraid of that, thinking of all the people that i have met in my life that i will never talk to again, like being a solo traveler at an airport made to feel like a grain of sand in the ocean. at the same time, don’t you think it’s a bit beautiful that you will experience the impact of so many people in your lifetime, the faces and names unknown to you years from now, but the feelings they imparted onto you remaining in your heart forever?

forever is a strong word, but so is the notion of dating to last forever in this part of the country. still, in true zoloft-induced optimistic fashion, i gotta say that i’ve truly met some pretty cool people through all the creepy 30 year olds who want to devour me for my body. i don’t think i’m going to find the love of my life here, but the “dates” (and i will note that dates is also a strong word, maybe even hyperbolic so as to take the piss for how unserious some of this stuff has been) that i’ve been through have all pleasantly shown me a different theme of life that i think i will remember. it’s a matter of learning from my experiences with other people, which is much different than learning from my own experiences and learning from the experiences of other people. does that make sense? i feel like the santi that exists within my head and the santi that exists in a social setting are two different people, but they both come to teach me (…who is that again? my soul? idk) different things that i take to heart.

so i know that you’d love to keep hearing me ramble, and although i will once again clarify that i seriously debated whether to even write about this, two things convinced me to do it: (1) it’s always good to reflect on my (fictional) experiences with other people because they teach me more about myself, and (2) because anyone worth a damn is going to find me blogging about them hilarious. i also won’t write about anything excessively nsfw, so if that was your hope then i’m sorry but you can feel free to consult other resources for your smut-rotted brain your perv.

the dates

i’m gonna write about these in highlight reel fashion because i know that our brains have been rewired to crave instant validation, and although i recognize that i’m giving up the beauty of the mundane by doing so, i think it’s worth it enough that i cut straight to the chase seeing that we live in the age of gratification.

date 1: albany guy

was standing awkwardly outside the restaurant where we were going to have our meal
i definitely carried the conversation but there were moments of legitimate joy in his eyes
he paid for the meal. ok, good enough mr gentleman, let’s go to albany
we did a little road trip there and started playing music that we both liked. we sung along to some weezer and other such manifestations of dad rock
i could see him opening up more and more, which was great, i can finally see a bit more of him
we went to a natural park that was really, really pretty, but didn’t stay there long because i got cold. he opened the door for me and held me in the bench, warmly
we got a milkshake from a stewart’s and shared it (i drank most of it)
we got to his house. his home was a bit creepy. his room was nice, we saw a movie, etc.
he drove me back home. he looked very content with himself. good friend.

date 2: vermont girl

arrived to my room
we talked a little bit about our mutual interests
etc
i did her estrogen shot
we drive to mcdonalds which felt eternal
car smells good
i end up getting like a $5 meal deal and a mocha frappe
we sit back and talk about people from our hometowns and how much we dislike them. ok she’s cool.
i give her my laser hair removal referral code because i need those $50 dawg.
we watch life is strange gameplay because we are both big fans. we had played cod zombies over discord the day before and so i took it that we were both big into nerdy shit like this.
she takes me back to my dorm. good day’s work.

date 3: college person

this one is actual insanity. they had posted about me on a certain anonymous app saying that i had an insane glow-up.
i had talked to this person like two years ago and they lowkey asked me for my number and name, and once i gave those they NEVER RESPONDED.
that was so embarrassing.
but this time around, i’m actually hot, which means that i simply cannot be in the wrong this time around if i respond to their anonymous post. so my easy ass confidently responds to the post by messaging them.
it was extremely nerve-racking, but we both end up figuring out that it was indeed us from two years ago. we decide to get dinner.
they actually come. why are they lowkey disturbing me with their incessant smiling.
long story short we end up making out in my room after i show them my mario kart skills and i spit mouthwash into their mouth.
and then we figured out that it’s probably not a great idea to do much beyond that, so we kind of just end up talking about life until like 3 am. it was so enjoyable.
so we developed some kind of emotional bond and are presently in hand-holdy terms, but we actually aren’t dating. don’t you love a gut-wrenching friend crush thing?
we later ended up doing a two-person halloween costume effort where i highkey walked them around all night while looking hot.
this situation is currently under development. i hope it ends up well. don’t tell them but i really like them. like lmao they already know that and they also like me a lot, but only time will tell how this ends up.

i lowkey do not feel like writing more about this for now, so i’m simply afraid that this will have to be continued on to another part.

Last modified on 2026-11-04