i woke up today to my mom telling me “i told you so”

for whatever reason, she had developed this superstition of not wanting to go to medellín to get an oral surgery procedure done in the last few weeks because a supposed oracle child from some random place, who had predicted earthquakes in venezuela, said that one was bound to happen in colombia. “bullshit,” i thought to myself, because in the same vein as supposed oracles who were able to predict things like winning sports teams and what not, there’s bound to be a large sample of people all claiming to be oracles, and in the end we focus on the very small minority (if not single person) who was blessed by the laws of probability to be right. and who knows, it could be a case of latina mom superstition that made her not go to colombia recently, but i’d be damned if she weren’t right and a devastating earthquake of magnitude 7.2 ended up killing over 130 people in the region. thankfully (to my knowledge) no major damage or injuries came about in medellín, but i still remember my mom playing my grandma’s whatsapp terrified voice memos outloud while i was eating lunch, and me begging her to turn it off before i lost my appetite.

i’m not really sure why i’m opening up with this besides the fact that i guess i’m still a little shook. i also am not sure what to make of this tragedy, because although i’m still tempted to believe that whatever person who predicted that such a natural phenomenon would occur is a statistical anomaly, there’s something about the superstitions of my people that kind of acts as a natural safety net. on the course of researching this topic, i naturally wanted to turn to the authority of the scientific method as a way of sort of grounding myself in a system that is controlled, and so i was like, “well surely it could have been possible that scientists/geologists/whoever could have had their suspicions that something like this would have happened”, but as it turns out scientists can’t actually predict earthquakes feasibly, and any active efforts that show results can be chalked up to pseudoscience or otherwise the statistically lucky guesses that i talked about before. with the advent of machine learning, maybe there could be a future where science can be leveraged to predict these ever-complex effects, but i doubt that we’re anywhere near a place where we can find quality data to train a model, not to mention the devastating environmental costs of artificial intelligence that already affect the very global south whose limited natural disaster resources struggle to combat the very climate change that worsens these events. it’s depressing, but then again the scientist in me wants to believe that the scientific process can prevail; if nothing else, it’s superstition and the beliefs of my people, who can sense emotions and feelings rooted deep within their lived experiences. that no systematic process could ever dream of capturing.

one goal with this blog is to try and express the inner emotions, the subliminal, through arguably the pretty convoluted writing that comes out of me naturally. i don’t really mean to intentionally be over-jargony or verbose, but it just turns out that the nature of coming from a family with a long lineage of bad anxiety results in me wanting to feel in control of my thoughts, and so i often want to explore every dimension and nuance to my thoughts to make sure that everything is accounted for. only then do i really feel at peace, and although it’s been great for school to be able to critically think on the fly like that, it’s one of those bad habits in my writings that i need to recognize (or maybe embrace? it’s my blog, and although the writing isn’t always great it’s not like i’m being graded on it) so that i can make the most out of my reflection. i often find that it’s really easy for me to feel very overwhelmed after taking in a lot of the day-to-day events in my life, so if it means writing things out to the point of word salad to clear my mind, then so be it! it also gives readers a good insight into my mind i guess.

so it got me thinking about my morning routine

i was kind of wondering, well what are the things that i naturally do everyday without thinking (i cannot function in the morning), the things that i don’t necessarily have to break down into a million little explanations for me to be able to enjoy? naturally, writing my habits in this diary entry might be kind of counterintuitive, since the point is to not overthink the little things that i get to enjoy without thinking. then again, i think that writing about these in this case is more of a fun little exercise for someone to get to know me and for me to get to know myself better, and not at all a thing about anxiety. in the spirit of being very freestyle with the way i write and keeping editing to a minimum, i’m sort of just going to list things chronologically since it comes naturally to me, and so i’ll just explain why i do what i do.

after all, i am writing this at 3 am, and while some people get that 3 am surge of energy to do push-ups and to start setting crazy goals to fix their life, my pathetic self can only muster the energy to write about the mundane (i’m so rude to myself, i really ought to write about my inner monologue sometime). anyway, i’ll divide habits into subsections and go from there. i know this kind of sounds insane right now and/or you don’t care to read this admittedly extensive routine, so feel free to scroll to the end section where i connect the two themes of today’s diary entry nicely. otherwise, enjoy the show :-)

hair/showering

i’m only going to be talking about showering in the context of doing my hair. as the only person with curly hair in my immediate and extended family (that i know of), there’s something traumatic about not having grown up with any sort of advice on how to do my hair nicely, and it really took a lot of experimenting to come out with an end-product that makes me happy. i have about 3a, balanced porosity, normal thickness hair. i’m genuinely unsure how feminizing hrt has affected my hair, as starting my transition also coincided with me growing my hair out, and prior to that i never really grew my hair out to the extent that my natural hair pattern could emerge beyond just being a frizzy mess. anyway, here’s what i do currently:

• i do my hair in cycles of 4/5 days, depending on what feels right. to me, this helps keep my hair in check while also not over-washing to the point of dryness and breakage.
• when i start a new hair cycle, i will wash with either a sulfate-free shampoo (3 cycles in a row) or a clarifying shampoo (on the 4th cycle, so on) to wash my scalp and remove build-up.
• i follow by using a really cheap walmart conditioner that is free of any nasty ingredients (if you’re familiar with the curly girl method, which i don’t follow to a tee, then i this product is considered “curly girl approved” because it’s free of things like sulfates, silicones, etc., that are harsh to the hair). i will spread it throughout my hair, and then i will leave it on for the duration of my shower.
• once i’m done showering, i will take my conditioned hair and begin detangling it, first with my fingers and then with a detangling brush, applying water in whatever area i’m currently working on to make the hair more slippery and prevent breakage. naturally, hair begins to fall out at this point, and while it initially worried me a lot, i found that nearly all of them are pretty long hairs with a bulb at the tip signifying that they’ve expired and were released from my scalp. dead hairs tend to stick to curly hair because of product use and the tangled nature of the hair…or at least i think so, idk.
• when i’m done with my shower, i will first apply a very specific brand of hair mousse that is so so good for my hair by tilting my head to the side so that my hair is extended out by gravity, and do this on both sides. then, i do the same with a curl cream. because my hair was already detangled in the shower, i rake through my hair a bit with my fingers.
• afterward, i’ll put on a plop and go do other parts of my morning routine for about 15-20 minutes.
• then, i’ll remove the plop and diffuse my hair with a hair dryer for about 10 minutes, also tilting my head to make sure the strands are nice and long so that i can really get things dry. i then end with some hair oil to style and get a little bit of volume out, and voila, my hair is good to go.
• if i want to refresh my hair, i’ll use a little bit of water, a little bit of mousse, and a little bit of oil, and i’ll also typically volumize my hair a bit by moving it around.

skincare

i remove body hair by shaving/razors, which means that i need to keep my skin healthy since shaving will typically irritate skin. there’s also the skincare that i do to keep my face looking nice when i apply makeup, but i don’t mean to get too ahead of myself. can you tell these in-gruesome-detail routines are making me sound a little like patrick bateman?

• i shave during a hot shower because in my experience it minimizes irritation and in-grown hairs by a lot since the steam opens up skin pores and all that science i’m not really in touch with. i don’t use any shaving cream, and i also do not exfoliate on the same day that i shave (i don’t know why online forums always suggest exfoliating the same day, but in my experience that messes me up).
• if i shaved, skip this step, but otherwise i will use one of two light chemical exfoliants on my legs: a 7% glycolic acid solution (“the ordinary”, if you’re in the loop with the skincare reels) and 20% urea cream. i tend to alternate between these each day (don’t quote me on this).
• then i’ll apply body butter (shea butter, MY FAVORITE THING EVER) to my legs and arms, and a moisturizer (ceramides and hyaluronic acid) to my freshly shaved face.
• at night, i will remove makeup with a facial cleanser (sorry), and then follow up with the same moisturizer to my face. that’s it…

make-up

i genuinely only know the “no-makeup” look, and i do this literally every day. i think that after some awkward moments and a little bit of advice from my mom, i’ve gotten a much better grip on this. poor girl, poor girl.

• if my facial moisturizer hasn’t already dried, i’ll remove any excess that will smear the make-up.
• i start by applying a dot of orange color corrector on my upper lip, and distribute.
• i apply a little bit of primer in that area as well.
• i apply liquid blush by my cheekbones and distribute with my finger (oh well).
• i curl my eyelashes in like 15 seconds because i don’t have time for that.
• i apply the cheapest mascara ever really well into my upper eyelashes. oh yeah, forgot to mention, i only use drug store stuff.
• i appreciate the beauty of my naturally long eyelashes, and how applying mascara to them only serves to make the rich richer, the unfairness of life coming to light with a moggingly cheap $5 mascara.
• i apply a tiny bit of concealer to my upper lip, two “dots,” and distribute until it blends in nicely into my skin (thankfully i was able to eyeball the right shade for my skin).
• if i’m feeling fancy, i’ll even put on a little lip tint…

smelling good

i genuinely worry that my amazing smell can be too overbearing sometimes, and it’s been the source of a little glaring insecurity that is best shown whenever someone compliments my good smell and i go “thank you omg wait is it too strong?” then, i remember that a lot of my stuff is oil-based and that i’m not overbearing with the amount of alcohol-based stuff i put on my skin.

• put on my limbs this body butter that smells like vanilla
• then if i’m feeling special (dry skin) i apply some pistachio-scented lotion.
• follow up with some scented body lotion in my neck area.
• use some sprays caramel-scented splash.
• and then a few sprays of pistachio-scented perfume.

wow you’re super mega awesome and take care of yourself, any last words

well, i guess writing this after hearing about a traumatizing event kind of made me appreciate the fact that i’m able to contemplate the little things that make up my day sort of well. i’ve never really put this routine into writing before, but i feel like i kind of enjoyed writing about it? if i’m able to think clearly about the hazy vastness of a “morning routine” that i do every day, and break down the things that come naturally to me without thinking, then it’s a little brain exercise in being able to pull out the subliminal thoughts that can slip into my mind whenever i absorb things like news that are designed to exacerbate tragedies to keep you drawn to their broadcast, at the expense of your mental health. obviously i think it goes without saying that i’m in a very privileged position to be able to carry out this routine, not to mention being able to focus on the mundane details of my day-to-day while really nasty events plague our world.

i can sometimes struggle with sleep cycles, and i distinctly remember discussing this with a therapist sometime around my sophomore year. i owe her a lot of credit, because one of the things that she mentioned was to develop routines in order to get my mind into thinking and sleeping modes depending on the time of day. i also think that having these are a way of grounding myself, a constant factor in my life that makes me feel like myself, and orients me during times when my brain is really underwired and waking up / really overwired and wanting to come down after a long day. it’s silly to reminisce to the times where i literally had to get my therapist to help me come up with things as simple as morning routines, but it kind of helps me visualize just how far i’ve come in taking care of myself. whereas before i would only really prioritize school and staying alive in this sort of survivalist mindset that really ended up damaging my mental health, i’m really glad that nowadays i’m willing to slow down the time of my day to show myself love in whatever way i can. i know i’m repeating jokes at this point, but if self-love and getting better at reflecting about my day means subjecting whoever is reading this through a patrick-bateman-esque monologue on the silly routines that make me feel complete, then so be it :-)

Last modified on 2026-08-10